When Someone Doesn’t Hold the Door Open For You

What Would Nellie Do?

Don’t know who Nellie is? Click here.

 

Dear Nellie,

giveadamnI was recently doing some Christmas shopping at a verrry upscale mall, humming along to the lovely holiday music that was piped in overhead, feeling pretty peaceful and joyful because my Christmas shopping was almost done. I just had to pick up one more thing from Williams-Sonoma and then I was done! As I was skipping up to the the door (because I was so happy and ready to go home and relax), a middle aged fellow was holding the door open for his family to walk through. He literally looked right at me, turned around, and let the door slam in my face! I was dumb-founded! What would Nellie have done in a situation like this?

Sincerely,

Hurt by Bad Manners

 

Dear Hurt by Bad Manners,

First of all, what were you wearing? If you were at a verrry upscale mall, you should have been dressed appropriately. Don’t think of going to a mall like this without any make-up on or in sweatpants. You should be wearing your best Vineyard Vines clothes and have your hair perfectly coiffed. Maybe then the middle aged man would think you really deserved to have the door open for you.

Now, Nellie hopes you didn’t let this Rude Man ruin your good mood. Nellie would have stood up straight, lifted her chin, and opened the door for herself. Then she would have found Rude Man in the store, probably by the Vitamixes, and questioned him very, very sweetly,  “Excuse me, Mr. Rude Man, but why did you not hold the door open for me, too? I was right behind you.” And as Rude Man looks at Nellie like she is crazy and about to cause a bit of a scene, she would have looked him straight in the eyes and walked away.

But then she would have kept an eye on him as he shopped for his Espresso Maker for his lake house and conveniently positioned herself in front on him at check-out. And then she would have took her time checking out. She would have asked to sign up for the email alerts and coupons. She would ask the salesperson if her purchase was available at other stores,  or on-line, or in different colors. And what colors would those be? She would make small talk with the sales associate about the weather, the news, human nature and manners. All within ear shot. She would have texted someone on her phone. Searched through her purse for her credit card, dropped some things on the floor. (Just to see if Rude Man would help to pick them up.) Then, at the last moment, she would have changed her mind and instead of buying the Kitchen Aid Mixer in Copper, would have just bought a box of vanilla snowflake marshmallows.  And as she turns to leave, she would smile so sweetly at Rude Man, who is now Impatient Man, and she would wish him a Happy Freaking New Year.

It’s petty and very passive-aggressive, Nellie knows…And involving an innocent sales associate who is just trying to do her job is even more petty. But letting the door slam in someone’s face is the most petty thing of all.

 

As Always,

Nellie

Going-to-Hell-1950s-Housewife-meme

~*If you have a question for Nellie, PM me on my Feathers and Dimes Facebook Page*~

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Sometimes, I Feel Like a B!T(H

Meet Nellie…

 

Every once in a while, I get in a really bad mood.  I mean really bad.  It comes on suddenly and, out of nowhere, an alternate personality of myself comes out.  This person is mean, irritated, and downright nasty at times.  At certain times of the month, she wants to rear her ugly head.   She is so opposite of me.  I asked my mom if she ever had any of these “nasty, mean feelings.”  I asked her because she is literally the nicest, most compassionate person I know.  My mom’s reply, “Of course,  I gave her a name…Carol.”

 

So this runs in our family, huh?

 

I decided to give mine a name, too.

 

Nellie.  Like that really mean bitch from “Little House on the Prairie.”

 

So today I am writing from Nellie’s perspective and I just have a few thoughts…

 

  • To the really annoying people, I mean friends, on Facebook who keep writing about how nice the weather is in their part of the country…Kiss Off!  Do you think that posting your 78 degree weather and rubbing it in our faces that we are in yet another  minus 25 degree Polar Vortex with our kids home from school again with nothing to do but roam around the house whining about boredom is helping matters?  My snot immediately freezes inside my nose when I go outside…what can yours do?
  • And speaking of Facebook, to the most irritating people who keep logging in their damn workouts and weight-loss, nobody really gives a shit!   Are you really that self centered that you think your workouts matter to most in the grander scheme of things?  “I walked 2.5 miles today on the treadmill and burned 200 calories.”  Well, whoop-de-freakin’-do ! And on this note, for one of my fb friends, I would really like to tell her she is really way too skinny and her head now looks bigger than her whole body. I actually want to ask her if her balance is off.  So there!
  • To the people I know who ALWAYS have a clean house…I don’t trust you.  I just want to go spread some of my junk mail and old bills around your perfectly kept countertops.
  • To the skanky hockey mom from the other team who cheered and was pounding on the glass after her son cross- checked my son from behind…Come over here by me and I’ll show you how it feels to get punched in the throat. 
  • To the “I’m the only car in the school drop off lane that has somewhere to go after I drop off” people…Get over yourself.  Everyone has somewhere to go.  The urge to ram the back of your beautiful Cadillac SUV is very strong.
  • To the coffee clutch of moms at the gym who prance around in tennis skirts…everyone can see your cellulite.  It’s there reflected in all the mirrors.  Also, the point of going to the gym is to exercise.  That means you should be working up a sweat or at least breathing heavy at times.  Try it sometime.          

See what nasty thoughts I have?  I really try to be a good person.  But peri-menopause is not being good to me.  It’s uncanny…1-2 days a month I feel like Nellie!  Luckily,  it passes just as quickly as it came on.

 

But then the tears start…

My poor husband.

 

Am I the only one?