Every once in a while, I get in a really bad mood. I mean really bad. It comes on suddenly and, out of nowhere, an alternate personality of myself comes out. This person is mean, irritated, and downright nasty at times. At certain times of the month, she wants to rear her ugly head. She is so opposite of me. I asked my mom if she ever had any of these “nasty, mean feelings.” I asked her because she is literally the nicest, most compassionate person I know. My mom’s reply, “Of course, I gave her a name…Carol.”
So this runs in our family, huh?
I decided to give mine a name, too.
Nellie. Like that really mean bitch from “Little House on the Prairie.”
So today I am writing from Nellie’s perspective and I just have a few thoughts…
- To the really annoying people, I mean friends, on Facebook who keep writing about how nice the weather is in their part of the country…Kiss Off! Do you think that posting your 78 degree weather and rubbing it in our faces that we are in yet another minus 25 degree Polar Vortex with our kids home from school again with nothing to do but roam around the house whining about boredom is helping matters? My snot immediately freezes inside my nose when I go outside…what can yours do?
- And speaking of Facebook, to the most irritating people who keep logging in their damn workouts and weight-loss, nobody really gives a shit! Are you really that self centered that you think your workouts matter to most in the grander scheme of things? “I walked 2.5 miles today on the treadmill and burned 200 calories.” Well, whoop-de-freakin’-do ! And on this note, for one of my fb friends, I would really like to tell her she is really way too skinny and her head now looks bigger than her whole body. I actually want to ask her if her balance is off. So there!
- To the people I know who ALWAYS have a clean house…I don’t trust you. I just want to go spread some of my junk mail and old bills around your perfectly kept countertops.
- To the skanky hockey mom from the other team who cheered and was pounding on the glass after her son cross- checked my son from behind…Come over here by me and I’ll show you how it feels to get punched in the throat.
- To the “I’m the only car in the school drop off lane that has somewhere to go after I drop off” people…Get over yourself. Everyone has somewhere to go. The urge to ram the back of your beautiful Cadillac SUV is very strong.
- To the coffee clutch of moms at the gym who prance around in tennis skirts…everyone can see your cellulite. It’s there reflected in all the mirrors. Also, the point of going to the gym is to exercise. That means you should be working up a sweat or at least breathing heavy at times. Try it sometime.
See what nasty thoughts I have? I really try to be a good person. But peri-menopause is not being good to me. It’s uncanny…1-2 days a month I feel like Nellie! Luckily, it passes just as quickly as it came on.
But then the tears start…
My poor husband.
Am I the only one?